"Watching with All Perseverance" by Elder David A. Bednar
April 2010 General Conference
Summary: Parents should be attentive to signs of spiritual growth or challenges in their children, and three habits can bring those things to light: 1) reading and discussing the Book of Mormon together, 2) spontaneously bearing testimony of the gospel, and 3) helping children to be agents acting in their own lives instead of being acted upon.
Elder Bednar gave this talk in the General Conference six months after his talk on being more diligent and concerned at home (in which he gave three techniques parents could use to be more involved with their children). I think this talk is something of a continuation of the previous one, with three more techniques that we parents should try to implement. I especially love this talk, however, because I love the idea of a "spiritual early warning system" which can help me be aware of potential pitfalls or struggles my children may be facing, spiritually or otherwise. I would love to imagine that I will be so in tune with my children that I will always know when they are struggling, but I know that I didn't always share such things with my parents and I imagine my kids won't share some things with me. These conversations that Elder Bednar suggests may help to prevent such problems from staying hidden indefinitely.
He begins by talking about an "early warning system," such as basic weather warnings of upcoming storms or warnings of instability in financial markets. The Lord uses the Holy Ghost to give such warnings as well, to Noah to build the ark, to Lehi and his family to leave Jerusalem, to Mary and Joseph to go to Egypt to save their baby. We have had many such warnings in our day, which, Elder Bednar says, "should lead to increasingly vigilant watching"--"watching with all perseverance." He says if we, as parents, do the three things he discusses in this talk, we "will be blessed to recognize early signals of spiritual growth in or challenges with [our] children and be better prepared to receive inspiration to strengthen and help those children."
Component Number One: Reading and Talking about the Book of Mormon
Elder Bednar gives two main points in favor of us studying the Book of Mormon with our children: it is focused on the Savior and his teachings, and those teachings are written with such plainness that they are easy to understand in the Book of Mormon. (I used to not understand why people would say that the Book of Mormon was easy to understand--but then I read more out of the Bible and could see why: the doctrines that we see so clearly in our scripture are confused in many different ways in the Bible.) Because of those two things, when we read the Book of Mormon, we invite the Holy Ghost into our lives. And, Elder Bednar says, "discussions about the doctrines and principles in the Book of Mormon provide opportunities for parents to observe their children, to listen to them, to learn from them, and to teach them. . . . And the questions a child asks, the observations a child shares, and the discussions that occur provide crucial spiritual early warning signals."
We will not really know what sorts of things our children are absorbing unless we actively try to talk about them with them. I have been surprised by what sorts of lessons my five-year-old son brings home from his Primary teachers, and which he then shares with us later. So far it has all been positive, but I can imagine there being times later in life where he may be taught things I don't necessarily agree with, or which he has trouble understanding or agreeing with--and the only way to find those things out is by drawing them out in conversation. I love how Elder Bednar talks about this, and am motivated to try and increase our discussions of the Book of Mormon together (which we do read and discuss as a family, although maybe not as intently as we could be).
A few important quotes from this section:
Summary: Parents should be attentive to signs of spiritual growth or challenges in their children, and three habits can bring those things to light: 1) reading and discussing the Book of Mormon together, 2) spontaneously bearing testimony of the gospel, and 3) helping children to be agents acting in their own lives instead of being acted upon.
Elder Bednar gave this talk in the General Conference six months after his talk on being more diligent and concerned at home (in which he gave three techniques parents could use to be more involved with their children). I think this talk is something of a continuation of the previous one, with three more techniques that we parents should try to implement. I especially love this talk, however, because I love the idea of a "spiritual early warning system" which can help me be aware of potential pitfalls or struggles my children may be facing, spiritually or otherwise. I would love to imagine that I will be so in tune with my children that I will always know when they are struggling, but I know that I didn't always share such things with my parents and I imagine my kids won't share some things with me. These conversations that Elder Bednar suggests may help to prevent such problems from staying hidden indefinitely.
He begins by talking about an "early warning system," such as basic weather warnings of upcoming storms or warnings of instability in financial markets. The Lord uses the Holy Ghost to give such warnings as well, to Noah to build the ark, to Lehi and his family to leave Jerusalem, to Mary and Joseph to go to Egypt to save their baby. We have had many such warnings in our day, which, Elder Bednar says, "should lead to increasingly vigilant watching"--"watching with all perseverance." He says if we, as parents, do the three things he discusses in this talk, we "will be blessed to recognize early signals of spiritual growth in or challenges with [our] children and be better prepared to receive inspiration to strengthen and help those children."
Component Number One: Reading and Talking about the Book of Mormon
Elder Bednar gives two main points in favor of us studying the Book of Mormon with our children: it is focused on the Savior and his teachings, and those teachings are written with such plainness that they are easy to understand in the Book of Mormon. (I used to not understand why people would say that the Book of Mormon was easy to understand--but then I read more out of the Bible and could see why: the doctrines that we see so clearly in our scripture are confused in many different ways in the Bible.) Because of those two things, when we read the Book of Mormon, we invite the Holy Ghost into our lives. And, Elder Bednar says, "discussions about the doctrines and principles in the Book of Mormon provide opportunities for parents to observe their children, to listen to them, to learn from them, and to teach them. . . . And the questions a child asks, the observations a child shares, and the discussions that occur provide crucial spiritual early warning signals."
We will not really know what sorts of things our children are absorbing unless we actively try to talk about them with them. I have been surprised by what sorts of lessons my five-year-old son brings home from his Primary teachers, and which he then shares with us later. So far it has all been positive, but I can imagine there being times later in life where he may be taught things I don't necessarily agree with, or which he has trouble understanding or agreeing with--and the only way to find those things out is by drawing them out in conversation. I love how Elder Bednar talks about this, and am motivated to try and increase our discussions of the Book of Mormon together (which we do read and discuss as a family, although maybe not as intently as we could be).
A few important quotes from this section:
"Regular reading of and talking about the Book of Mormon invite the power to resist temptation and to produce feelings of love within our families."
"Youth of all ages, even infants, can and do respond to the distinctive spirit of the Book of Mormon."
"And the questions a child asks, the observations a child shares, and the discussions that occur provide crucial spiritual early warning signals. Importantly, such conversations can help parents to discern what their children are learning, thinking, and feeling about the truths contained in this sacred volume of scripture, as well as the difficulties they may be facing."
Component Number Two: Bearing Testimony Spontaneously
Elder Bednar next says that we should bear testimony to our children frequently and spontaneously. We should share our "personal knowledge . . . that certain facts of eternal significance are true" and do it often, without planning it out or making it a formal situation. Elder Bednar makes the point that the less planned or formal, the better--that is, the more likely our children are to respond naturally and to internalize your testimony. We need to be spiritually aware ourselves to find those opportunities to talk about those things with our children, wherever we may be: the dinner table, the car, etc. This is a good practice to do anyways, to share our beliefs with our children and to make our testimonies a part of our everyday lives, but we can also use these situations to gauge our children's reactions and willingness to participate in such discussions. As Elder Bednar says, "The reactions of children to such impromptu testimony bearing and their eagerness or reluctance to participate are potent sources of spiritual early warning signals. A child’s expression about a lesson learned in family scripture study or a candid statement of concern about a gospel principle or practice can be most illuminating and help parents better understand a child’s specific question or needs." I want to have a home where we talk about spiritual promptings or topics on a regular basis, and where we are not afraid to get a little cheesy or mushy (without calling it that!). I know I could be better at this and I will think about ways I can do this more regularly.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Youth of all ages, even infants, can and do respond to the distinctive spirit of the Book of Mormon."
"And the questions a child asks, the observations a child shares, and the discussions that occur provide crucial spiritual early warning signals. Importantly, such conversations can help parents to discern what their children are learning, thinking, and feeling about the truths contained in this sacred volume of scripture, as well as the difficulties they may be facing."
Component Number Two: Bearing Testimony Spontaneously
Elder Bednar next says that we should bear testimony to our children frequently and spontaneously. We should share our "personal knowledge . . . that certain facts of eternal significance are true" and do it often, without planning it out or making it a formal situation. Elder Bednar makes the point that the less planned or formal, the better--that is, the more likely our children are to respond naturally and to internalize your testimony. We need to be spiritually aware ourselves to find those opportunities to talk about those things with our children, wherever we may be: the dinner table, the car, etc. This is a good practice to do anyways, to share our beliefs with our children and to make our testimonies a part of our everyday lives, but we can also use these situations to gauge our children's reactions and willingness to participate in such discussions. As Elder Bednar says, "The reactions of children to such impromptu testimony bearing and their eagerness or reluctance to participate are potent sources of spiritual early warning signals. A child’s expression about a lesson learned in family scripture study or a candid statement of concern about a gospel principle or practice can be most illuminating and help parents better understand a child’s specific question or needs." I want to have a home where we talk about spiritual promptings or topics on a regular basis, and where we are not afraid to get a little cheesy or mushy (without calling it that!). I know I could be better at this and I will think about ways I can do this more regularly.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Parents should be vigilant and spiritually attentive to spontaneously occurring opportunities to bear testimony to their children. Such occasions need not be programmed, scheduled, or scripted. In fact, the less regimented such testimony sharing is, the greater the likelihood for edification and lasting impact."
"The reactions of children to such impromptu testimony bearing and their eagerness or reluctance to participate are potent sources of spiritual early warning signals. . . . Such discussions—especially when parents are as eager to listen intently as they are to talk—can foster a supportive and secure environment in the home and encourage ongoing communication about difficult topics."
Component Number Three: Inviting Children to Act
I think that the main job of parents is to raise independent, self-sustained individuals, who can take care of themselves and sustain their own habits, both physical and spiritual. This kind of stinks, because, of course, no matter how well you instruct your kids, they have their agency and can in the end do whatever they choose. This is one of the hardest lessons I think I will need to learn--I don't have much control over the things my children choose to do after I give them instructions and hope they listen to me. But we have plenty of opportunities to give our children chances to practice acting in the way we hope they will while they are young.
No matter what kind of learner you are, people almost always learn best by doing instead of just by being told things. This applies to our parenting because we need to invite our children to use their agency and act in accordance to the principles that we teach them. What are the things that we do that build our own testimonies? Praying, reading scriptures, attending church meetings and the temple? If this is what works for adults, this is what we should be encouraging our children to do on their own. This could look like helping our children find a time when they can study the scriptures on their own, and then asking them to do it and gently checking up on them and talking to them about what they have read. These are lessons they will have to learn as they become individual adults, or else they will waver and fall--so why not give them plenty of opportunities to practice now? Elder Bednar says, "The tuition of diligence and of learning by study and also by faith must be paid to obtain and personally 'own' such knowledge. Only in this way can what is known in the mind also be felt in the heart." We cannot pay such tuition, or else we will only be strengthening our own knowledge and not our children's.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Parents have the sacred responsibility to help children to act and to seek learning by faith. And a child is never too young to take part in this pattern of learning."
"As parents and gospel instructors, you and I are not in the business of distributing fish; rather, our work is to help our children learn “to fish” and to become spiritually steadfast. This vital objective is best accomplished as we encourage our children to act in accordance with correct principles—as we help them to learn by doing."
"Are we as parents primarily giving our children the equivalent of spiritual fish to eat, or are we consistently helping them to act, to learn for themselves, and to stand steadfast and immovable?"
Link to the full talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/watching-with-all-perseverance?lang=eng
Questions to consider:
Do I ever talk about the Book of Mormon with my children? How can I make this happen more often?
Do I ever share my spiritual thoughts with my children? Why or why not?
Am I handing my children spiritual "fish" instead of teaching them to fish? What can I do to help my children establish testimony-building habits in their youth?
"The reactions of children to such impromptu testimony bearing and their eagerness or reluctance to participate are potent sources of spiritual early warning signals. . . . Such discussions—especially when parents are as eager to listen intently as they are to talk—can foster a supportive and secure environment in the home and encourage ongoing communication about difficult topics."
Component Number Three: Inviting Children to Act
I think that the main job of parents is to raise independent, self-sustained individuals, who can take care of themselves and sustain their own habits, both physical and spiritual. This kind of stinks, because, of course, no matter how well you instruct your kids, they have their agency and can in the end do whatever they choose. This is one of the hardest lessons I think I will need to learn--I don't have much control over the things my children choose to do after I give them instructions and hope they listen to me. But we have plenty of opportunities to give our children chances to practice acting in the way we hope they will while they are young.
No matter what kind of learner you are, people almost always learn best by doing instead of just by being told things. This applies to our parenting because we need to invite our children to use their agency and act in accordance to the principles that we teach them. What are the things that we do that build our own testimonies? Praying, reading scriptures, attending church meetings and the temple? If this is what works for adults, this is what we should be encouraging our children to do on their own. This could look like helping our children find a time when they can study the scriptures on their own, and then asking them to do it and gently checking up on them and talking to them about what they have read. These are lessons they will have to learn as they become individual adults, or else they will waver and fall--so why not give them plenty of opportunities to practice now? Elder Bednar says, "The tuition of diligence and of learning by study and also by faith must be paid to obtain and personally 'own' such knowledge. Only in this way can what is known in the mind also be felt in the heart." We cannot pay such tuition, or else we will only be strengthening our own knowledge and not our children's.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Parents have the sacred responsibility to help children to act and to seek learning by faith. And a child is never too young to take part in this pattern of learning."
"As parents and gospel instructors, you and I are not in the business of distributing fish; rather, our work is to help our children learn “to fish” and to become spiritually steadfast. This vital objective is best accomplished as we encourage our children to act in accordance with correct principles—as we help them to learn by doing."
"Are we as parents primarily giving our children the equivalent of spiritual fish to eat, or are we consistently helping them to act, to learn for themselves, and to stand steadfast and immovable?"
Link to the full talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2010/04/watching-with-all-perseverance?lang=eng
Questions to consider:
Do I ever talk about the Book of Mormon with my children? How can I make this happen more often?
Do I ever share my spiritual thoughts with my children? Why or why not?
Am I handing my children spiritual "fish" instead of teaching them to fish? What can I do to help my children establish testimony-building habits in their youth?
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