"More Diligent and Concerned at Home" by Elder David A. Bednar
October 2009 General Conference
Summary: Elder Bednar gives three suggestions for things parents should do to be better at home: expressing and showing love, bearing and living testimony, and being more consistent in all aspects of our gospel worship with our family.
Elder Bednar starts his talk by explaining the reference for the title of his talk, from D&C 93:50, where the Lord is chastening different elders in the early church that they need to "set in order [their families], and see that they are more diligent and concerned at home." Obviously the Lord does not want them--or us--to be so overwhelmed with outside issues, like work or church callings, that we neglect our responsibilities in our families. Elder Bednar says he is going to set forth three specific things we should do to be "more diligent and concerned at home" in our own lives.
Suggestion Number One: Express Love--and Show It
Obviously one of the most important things we should be doing as parents is making sure our children know they are loved. Children need to know that they are loved to feel secure and safe as they enter into the world. We need to be telling our children that we love them, and showing them we love them through our actions--and we need to do each of these things every day. Elder Bednar talks about a "relationship between love and appropriate action"--that is, if we love someone, there are things we must or should do to show it. Christ said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." That is the relationship between our love for Christ and the appropriate action we should show towards him. Similarly, if we love our children, we will show them through our actions. Everyone has different ways to show their kids that they love them; I don't think there is one right way. Many people talk about their parents showing they loved them in their youth by always being there for their soccer games or dance recitals, but I distinctly remember my parents missing more of my games than they came to (as the oldest of six busy kids) and I still felt loved by them. So I think it's important that we tell our kids we love them every day, and then figure out how to show them that we love them in the way that they will recognize it.
A few important quotes from this section:
"We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love that we love them."
"As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better."
"We should remember that saying "I love you" is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love."
"The relationship between love and appropriate action is demonstrated repeatedly in the scriptures and is highlighted by the Savior’s instruction to His Apostles: “If ye love me, keep my commandments." Just as our love of and for the Lord is evidenced by walking ever in His ways, so our love for spouse, parents, and children is reflected most powerfully in our thoughts, our words, and our deeds."
Suggestion Number Two: Bear Testimony--and Live It
After making sure our children know they are loved, we should also be making sure our children know that we love the gospel and have a testimony of it. We should talk about the gospel with our children and bear testimony of our love for it, and, as Elder Bednar follows every time, we should live our testimonies as well. If we say we have a testimony and we love the gospel, our actions should reflect that. If they don't, we are being hypocritical. I do value the gospel and have a testimony, but how will my children really absorb that if I don't talk about it with them and let them see me living my testimony by reading my scriptures and serving others and trying to better myself and become more like Jesus? Kids are extremely observant and aware of our actions, and they will notice when they see us doing positive or negative things, but they are not mind readers--and that's why it's essential we bear our testimonies to them and live it.
Elder Bednar says, "Feeling the power, the edification, and the constancy of testimony from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction." I can testify that this is true. I look at my extended family and can see strong examples of the influence strong testimonies have had from generation to generation. All of my grandparents were and are fervent believers in the gospel and took great joy from living and sharing it. Their children and grandchildren have been blessed by their testimonies, and have indeed had more direction in their lives because of them. I want to make sure my children know my testimony as well as we have always known my grandparents'.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Within the walls of our own homes, we can and should bear pure testimony of the divinity and reality of the Father and the Son, of the great plan of happiness, and of the Restoration."
"We should remember that bearing a heartfelt testimony is only a beginning. We need to bear testimony, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to live it. We need to both declare and live our testimonies."
"Our testimony of gospel truth should be reflected both in our words and in our deeds. And our testimonies are proclaimed and lived most powerfully in our own homes. . . . We should both create and look for opportunities to bear testimony of gospel truths--and live them."
"Feeling the power, the edification, and the constancy of testimony from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction."
Suggestion Number Three: Be Consistent
Elder Bednar shares about his attempts to do family prayer, family scripture study, and family home evening with his young family, and how it seemed futile and pointless many times. But in the end, he and his wife realized that the main point of all these difficult exercises was the consistency with which they tried to implement those habits. It meant more to their sons that they defined themselves as a family that read their scriptures together than if they ever actually got anything out of that scripture reading.
I think this is the most important point of this talk. There's that quote (possibly from Aristotle, the Internet is undecided): "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." We are judged by our thoughts, words, and deeds, but our deeds are the most visible and significant of those. These small actions that we do every day are extremely important in creating our character--and our children's characters. However, just because I know and believe this doesn't mean that I am always consistent though. I am pretty terrible at the standard prayer and scripture study things--I miss lots of days. I'm better about family prayer and scripture study and family home evening, because I feel more accountable to my family for doing those things. (Even when I try to skip some nights when we are trying to get them to bed, my five-year-old says, "We have to read our scriptures or we won't learn the gospel!")
However, I think it's important that our intent is there. If we have the intent and the mentality of being someone who reads their scriptures, I think missing a day or two isn't the end of the world. We need to make it regular enough to be part of our routine and part of our children's world, and we need to want to be reading our scriptures and praying. But if we don't have that intent and that desire in our hearts, we are hypocrites. Elder Bednar discusses the danger of hypocrisy and says it "causes the greatest destruction within our own homes." If our children see us acting more righteous at church than we do at home, they will notice. And that can be a dangerous precedent to set. It's probably just safer to consistently make the choices we hope our children will emulate, instead of trying to fool them long term. I think that we are all hypocritical in some way. It's not evil; it's just the natural man trying to present himself in the best light. And with social media, we are all always presenting ourselves in the best light if we can. But the question is: do you share quotes from scriptures on Facebook because you truly think it will help some people out there, or because you kind of secretly want to remind everyone that you are reading your scriptures? We need to be honest with ourselves. And with our children.
Important quotes from this section:
"Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not happen each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson--a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time."
"Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes."'
"Many of the Savior's harshest rebukes were directed to hypocrites. . . . The hypocrisy in our lives is most readily discerned and causes the greatest destruction within our own homes. And children are often the most alert and sensitive when it comes to recognizing hypocrisy."
Final Thoughts:
Elder Bednar ends with this thought: "May every spouse, every child, and every parent be blessed to communicate and receive love, to bear and be edified by strong testimony, and to become more consistent in the seemingly small things that matter so much. In these important pursuits we will never be left alone. Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son live. They love us and know our circumstances, and they will help us to become more diligent and concerned at home." It is comforting to know that we will have the Lord's help in our parenting endeavors. We need to pray for his support as we try to do become more consistent and less hypocritical.
Link to the full talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/more-diligent-and-concerned-at-home?lang=eng
Questions to consider:
Do I tell my children I love them every day? What specific things do I do to show them?
Do I bear my testimony to my children often? What do I tell them? How could I do it more often?
How am I being a hypocrite in my life? In social media?
Summary: Elder Bednar gives three suggestions for things parents should do to be better at home: expressing and showing love, bearing and living testimony, and being more consistent in all aspects of our gospel worship with our family.
Elder Bednar starts his talk by explaining the reference for the title of his talk, from D&C 93:50, where the Lord is chastening different elders in the early church that they need to "set in order [their families], and see that they are more diligent and concerned at home." Obviously the Lord does not want them--or us--to be so overwhelmed with outside issues, like work or church callings, that we neglect our responsibilities in our families. Elder Bednar says he is going to set forth three specific things we should do to be "more diligent and concerned at home" in our own lives.
Suggestion Number One: Express Love--and Show It
Obviously one of the most important things we should be doing as parents is making sure our children know they are loved. Children need to know that they are loved to feel secure and safe as they enter into the world. We need to be telling our children that we love them, and showing them we love them through our actions--and we need to do each of these things every day. Elder Bednar talks about a "relationship between love and appropriate action"--that is, if we love someone, there are things we must or should do to show it. Christ said, "If ye love me, keep my commandments." That is the relationship between our love for Christ and the appropriate action we should show towards him. Similarly, if we love our children, we will show them through our actions. Everyone has different ways to show their kids that they love them; I don't think there is one right way. Many people talk about their parents showing they loved them in their youth by always being there for their soccer games or dance recitals, but I distinctly remember my parents missing more of my games than they came to (as the oldest of six busy kids) and I still felt loved by them. So I think it's important that we tell our kids we love them every day, and then figure out how to show them that we love them in the way that they will recognize it.
A few important quotes from this section:
"We can begin to become more diligent and concerned at home by telling the people we love that we love them."
"As disciples of the Savior, we are not merely striving to know more; rather, we need to consistently do more of what we know is right and become better."
"We should remember that saying "I love you" is only a beginning. We need to say it, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to show it. We need to both express and demonstrate love."
"The relationship between love and appropriate action is demonstrated repeatedly in the scriptures and is highlighted by the Savior’s instruction to His Apostles: “If ye love me, keep my commandments." Just as our love of and for the Lord is evidenced by walking ever in His ways, so our love for spouse, parents, and children is reflected most powerfully in our thoughts, our words, and our deeds."
Suggestion Number Two: Bear Testimony--and Live It
After making sure our children know they are loved, we should also be making sure our children know that we love the gospel and have a testimony of it. We should talk about the gospel with our children and bear testimony of our love for it, and, as Elder Bednar follows every time, we should live our testimonies as well. If we say we have a testimony and we love the gospel, our actions should reflect that. If they don't, we are being hypocritical. I do value the gospel and have a testimony, but how will my children really absorb that if I don't talk about it with them and let them see me living my testimony by reading my scriptures and serving others and trying to better myself and become more like Jesus? Kids are extremely observant and aware of our actions, and they will notice when they see us doing positive or negative things, but they are not mind readers--and that's why it's essential we bear our testimonies to them and live it.
Elder Bednar says, "Feeling the power, the edification, and the constancy of testimony from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction." I can testify that this is true. I look at my extended family and can see strong examples of the influence strong testimonies have had from generation to generation. All of my grandparents were and are fervent believers in the gospel and took great joy from living and sharing it. Their children and grandchildren have been blessed by their testimonies, and have indeed had more direction in their lives because of them. I want to make sure my children know my testimony as well as we have always known my grandparents'.
A few important quotes from this section:
"Within the walls of our own homes, we can and should bear pure testimony of the divinity and reality of the Father and the Son, of the great plan of happiness, and of the Restoration."
"We should remember that bearing a heartfelt testimony is only a beginning. We need to bear testimony, we need to mean it, and most importantly we need consistently to live it. We need to both declare and live our testimonies."
"Our testimony of gospel truth should be reflected both in our words and in our deeds. And our testimonies are proclaimed and lived most powerfully in our own homes. . . . We should both create and look for opportunities to bear testimony of gospel truths--and live them."
"Feeling the power, the edification, and the constancy of testimony from a spouse, a parent, or a child is a rich blessing. Such testimony fortifies faith and provides direction."
Suggestion Number Three: Be Consistent
Elder Bednar shares about his attempts to do family prayer, family scripture study, and family home evening with his young family, and how it seemed futile and pointless many times. But in the end, he and his wife realized that the main point of all these difficult exercises was the consistency with which they tried to implement those habits. It meant more to their sons that they defined themselves as a family that read their scriptures together than if they ever actually got anything out of that scripture reading.
I think this is the most important point of this talk. There's that quote (possibly from Aristotle, the Internet is undecided): "We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit." We are judged by our thoughts, words, and deeds, but our deeds are the most visible and significant of those. These small actions that we do every day are extremely important in creating our character--and our children's characters. However, just because I know and believe this doesn't mean that I am always consistent though. I am pretty terrible at the standard prayer and scripture study things--I miss lots of days. I'm better about family prayer and scripture study and family home evening, because I feel more accountable to my family for doing those things. (Even when I try to skip some nights when we are trying to get them to bed, my five-year-old says, "We have to read our scriptures or we won't learn the gospel!")
However, I think it's important that our intent is there. If we have the intent and the mentality of being someone who reads their scriptures, I think missing a day or two isn't the end of the world. We need to make it regular enough to be part of our routine and part of our children's world, and we need to want to be reading our scriptures and praying. But if we don't have that intent and that desire in our hearts, we are hypocrites. Elder Bednar discusses the danger of hypocrisy and says it "causes the greatest destruction within our own homes." If our children see us acting more righteous at church than we do at home, they will notice. And that can be a dangerous precedent to set. It's probably just safer to consistently make the choices we hope our children will emulate, instead of trying to fool them long term. I think that we are all hypocritical in some way. It's not evil; it's just the natural man trying to present himself in the best light. And with social media, we are all always presenting ourselves in the best light if we can. But the question is: do you share quotes from scriptures on Facebook because you truly think it will help some people out there, or because you kind of secretly want to remind everyone that you are reading your scriptures? We need to be honest with ourselves. And with our children.
Important quotes from this section:
"Sister Bednar and I thought helping our sons understand the content of a particular lesson or a specific scripture was the ultimate outcome. But such a result does not happen each time we study or pray or learn together. The consistency of our intent and work was perhaps the greatest lesson--a lesson we did not fully appreciate at the time."
"Consistency is a key principle as we lay the foundation of a great work in our individual lives and as we become more diligent and concerned in our own homes."'
"Many of the Savior's harshest rebukes were directed to hypocrites. . . . The hypocrisy in our lives is most readily discerned and causes the greatest destruction within our own homes. And children are often the most alert and sensitive when it comes to recognizing hypocrisy."
Final Thoughts:
Elder Bednar ends with this thought: "May every spouse, every child, and every parent be blessed to communicate and receive love, to bear and be edified by strong testimony, and to become more consistent in the seemingly small things that matter so much. In these important pursuits we will never be left alone. Our Heavenly Father and His Beloved Son live. They love us and know our circumstances, and they will help us to become more diligent and concerned at home." It is comforting to know that we will have the Lord's help in our parenting endeavors. We need to pray for his support as we try to do become more consistent and less hypocritical.
Link to the full talk: https://www.lds.org/general-conference/2009/10/more-diligent-and-concerned-at-home?lang=eng
Questions to consider:
Do I tell my children I love them every day? What specific things do I do to show them?
Do I bear my testimony to my children often? What do I tell them? How could I do it more often?
How am I being a hypocrite in my life? In social media?
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